just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
