Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
