The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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