By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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