Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
