so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
