you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
