I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
