I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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