I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
