Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
