I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
barbara walters just said penis...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
