Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
