gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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