i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
