I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
well you can't waste a boner
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
