I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
