All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
