We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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