This is not my ceiling
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
