i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
