The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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