Taylor Swift is so right about you.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So squirting runs in the family.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
