Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
