I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
