I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
