Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
