My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
