Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
