She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
