whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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