i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
