Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
