And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
