I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
