do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
