i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
