found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
