I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
