my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
