I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
