I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the condom got lost in my hair
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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