I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
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