I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
