when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
