I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
