I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
