if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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