His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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