There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
