im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
